how to say No

There’s an old saying: If you can’t say, “No”, your “Yes” means nothing.
 
Tactfully saying no to invitations, requestions for help, and other obligations is an acquired skill we learn as we mature.
 
We all have an inborn desire to help others and for them to find us useful, helpful, caring, and generous.
 
Saying no seems to violate all of this, but we can’t say yes to everything.
 
Multiple TV shows, books blog articles, and documentaries have been written about what happens to a person’s life when they can’t say no to everyone who asks them for help.
 
These poor people become overburdened with time commitments until they have no free time for themselves.
 
They wind up helping people and causes they don’t even care about and doing things they don’t agree with.
 
People who can’t say no wind up hating those they pretend to help. The person resents the unwanted obligation and the commitment they can’t get out of.
 
People who can’t say no have no time to for projects and relationships they actually care about.
 
People who can’t say no don’t ever accomplish their goals because they say yes to too many other things.
 
Saying yes to everything means you can’t focus on the one, most important thing—actually accomplishing your goal.
 
As Warren Buffet says, “The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”
 
This is a big problem for anyone just starting out on the road to accomplishing a big goal. You have to put in the work upfront before the success comes later.
 
Those who would lay an unwanted obligation on you don’t understand that your goal is your top priority.
 
They don’t understand that it’s more important even if you aren’t getting paid for it at the moment.
 
Many people would argue that ‘No,’ is a complete sentence and that true freedom lies in saying no without having to explain yourself to anyone.
 
Oprah Winfrey once famously stated that you should only have to say, “No,” once. If anyone tries to convince you to change your mind after that, they are trying to control you.
 
I don’t argue with any of this, but I discovered a much more effective way to tell people no without causing as much social strain.
 
When I first started writing professionally, I was raising three children. I had friends who were other mothers in our PlayCenter community. These women often invited me and my children to their houses for social time and playdates.
 
Once I started writing for a living, the demand on my time shifted.
 
I developed this technique for turning down these obligations. I have used this method ever since to deflect unwanted invitations and requests for help.
 
This technique has served me well for many years.
 
I invite you to use this in your own life. It can do wonders. It makes saying “No,” so much easier.
 
Are you ready? Here it is.
 
I have to work.
 
That’s it. When someone invites you to a party you don’t want to go to, tell them, “I have to work.”
 
If someone invites you to an evening out bar crawling, tell them, “I have to work.”
 
First of all, every wage slave intuitively understands this statement. They reinterpret it to mean you have to work for your boss at a job.
 
The wage slave translates this to mean that you would lose your job if you accepted their invitation.
 
The second most important aspect of this phrase is that it’s true.
 
The person inviting you doesn’t need to know that the work you’re going to do is entirely voluntary or that you’re going to be working on your goal instead of going out with them.
 
You said you have to work and you do. You have to work on your goal.
 
“I’m sorry. I would really love to go, but I have to work.”
 
It’s that simple. Everyone understands this—and it’s true.
 
The person you’re talking to doesn’t need to know that you’re making them a lower priority than your goal. Telling them that would only upset them.
 
The person doesn’t need to know that you’re going to be doing a bunch of extremely hard, unpaid labor with no possibility of return.
 
The person doesn’t need to know that you’re going to be working on something they consider a hobby or a pastime.
 
I have to work.
 
You do have to work. You have to work on your goal.
 
If you said yes to every invitation, obligation, and request for help, you would never work on your goal. If you don’t do it now, when will you?
 
That’s it. That’s the secret.
 
I invite you to use this technique and spread it around to anyone who needs it.
 
The truth is that we don’t owe anyone any explanation.
 
Saying, “No,” outright with no explanation will only hurt people’s feelings.
 
There’s a better way—a way they already understand. It’s simple. It’s effective, and best of all, it’s absolutely true.
 
You never have to lie to anyone about what you’re doing, but you don’t have to explain it to them, either.
 
I hope this helps you as much as it helps me. God bless.
_____________
All content on the Crimes Against Fiction Blog is © Theo Mann. You are free to distribute and repost this work on condition that you credit the original author.