Think of human life as divided into three stages.
 
The first stage is childhood. This is where the individual develops a sense of identity, who they are, and where they fit into a family. The individual lays the foundation for how they’re going to show up in the world at large.
 
Adolescence is the stage where the individual starts to form a sense of where they fit into society. Relationships with peers become all-important as a kind of incubator for all future relationships. It becomes socially important to fit in and to be seen as doing what everyone else is doing.
 
 Adulthood is the stage where the individual should have ideally already built the structure of their own identity. They should have already learned who they are, why they’re here, and where they fit into society as a whole.
 
Individuality takes the foreground in adulthood. We care less and less as we age about conforming to what everyone else is doing.
 
We establish ourselves as unique from everyone else with our own identities, our own gifts, and we learn to leverage these so we can make a contribution that society will value.
 
The process of growing from childhood through adolescence to adulthood teaches us many lessons.
 
One of the most important lessons we learn in the process of growing up is that it isn’t advisable, beneficial, or productive to copy everyone else around us.
 
We learn that the world values us for our individuality, not for turning ourselves into robots exactly like every robot coming off the assembly line.
 
Copying others is not a way to establish our own identity. Our identity as individuals is rooted in our points of difference—the things that make us completely other than what everyone else is.
 
We find out as we age that the world only values our points of difference. The world doesn’t need or care about things it can get from every other person out there. In fact, the world despises those things and shuns them.
 
Offering a unique valuable contribution to the world means showing our unique individuality and offering something no one else can offer. These are the only things the world values.
 
The same goes for relationships. No one wants to love a robot. No one can love a robot.
 
No one can love us if we aren’t showing up as unique individuals. In fact, our uniqueness is the only thing we have that anyone could possibly love. No one can love the things about us that every other person on the planet already has.
 
A wise man once said, “A normal person is someone you don’t know very well.”
 
As we grow and gain wisdom in life, we come to realize that there is no such thing as the status quo. There is no such thing as average. There is no such thing as normal.
 
Everyone goes through a crisis of identity when they enter adolescence. This crisis is in fact what adolescence is. Everyone goes through exactly the same thing. It would be abnormal and worrisome if someone didn’t go through it.
 
Every child goes through the crisis of letting go of their child self, rebuilding their identity from the ground up, and trying to figure out who they are and how they fit into the world.
 
A adolescent who appears to have it all together on the outside is covering up their insecurities to make themselves blend in. They have no idea who they are or how they fit in.
 
They have no established identity of their own, so they try to make themselves a cookie-cutter copy of everyone else in the hope that no one will notice anything objectionable or unusual about them.
 
Adolescents have an irrational phobia of anyone considering them weird, different, or unusual.
 
We find it easy to look around at the people near us or in the media and think they’re normal. We find it easy to think these people are living the way societal rules tells us we should live.
 
The truth is that these people are going through all the same stress, anxiety, insecurity, and internal questioning that we’re going through on a daily basis.
 
This is called being human. No one escapes it.
 
Having a bunch of money doesn’t make it go away. Achieving any kind of success in business or society doesn’t make it go away. It can’t go away because this is a necessary part of being human.
 
Anyone who claims not to be going through these things is lying and putting on a false front. They do this to try to trick everyone into thinking the person is normal and everything is the way it should be.
 
A person would only need to do this if they’re struggling on the inside and want to hide that struggle. This is the paradox of viewing someone else as more normal, more acceptable, and more popular than ourselves.
 
Most of the time, the more normal and put-together someone looks on the outside, the more insecure, anxious, and troubled they are on the inside.
 
There is no such thing as the social status quo. There is no such thing as normal.
 
It isn’t possible for us to be perfectly average and to exactly fit into what “society” says we should be.
 
The reality is that there is no society that might say this. Society is made up of individuals who all fall into two categories.
 
The first category consists of the people who are following all the other people around them, copying trends, trying to keep up with what everyone else is doing, and trying to blend in so no one sees anything unique or different or individual about them.
 
The second category consists of the people who have gone through the fire to discover their own unique identity, mission, and gifts. These people embrace who they are and market it to the world as a unique offering no one can get from anywhere else.
 
We need to understand that everyone in the first category is living with the strain and anxiety of NOT knowing who they are, where they belong, or what they’re really doing here.
 
These people aren’t making it easier for themselves by blending in. They’re actually making it harder because we’re all born with an innate drive to ask these questions and to seek the answers.
 
These people are deliberately shutting themselves off from the one source of information that would actually make them happy. They think being accepted by society will ease the tension and anxiety of not belonging.
 
In reality, following others and copying them is a recipe for disaster. We’ll constantly feel like we don’t belong because no one will ever be able to accept us for who we truly are. No one will ever even find out who we truly are.
 
These people spend their entire lives locked in the adolescent need to belong to some outside notion of the status quo. These people avoid the path of identity at all costs.
 
These people spend their lives chasing trends, finding out and following what everyone else is doing, and blocking out all drive to discover themselves and what their own unique path in life might be.
 
Lasting happiness, acceptance, belonging, and a sense of purpose can only be found through embracing our individuality. This is in fact the essence of maturity. It is in fact the secret that makes life worth living.
------------------All content on the Crimes Against Fiction Blog is © Theo Mann. You are free to distribute and repost this work on condition that you credit the original author.

Maybe it’s because I have children. They’re the reason I wound up watching a lot of Thomas the Tank Engine videos, so bear with me while I take a trip down childhood lane.
 
Thomas the Tank Engine and his engine friends all care about one thing. They all want to be Really Useful Engines. They work hard to get the job done and to keep the North Western Railway running the way it should.
 
We all want to be Really Useful Engines. We all want to be valuable and contribute to society. We also want to make a living and support ourselves through our own efforts. We want to make money and be successful and to be able to buy the things we want.
 
So why do so many of us have trouble when it comes to finances and employment?
 
Finance and employment is the arena in which we demonstrate to the world that we have something valuable to offer. When we offer something of value to the world, we get paid for it. This is where our thinking can cause us problems.
 
The psychologist Erik Erikson developed a theory of child development that teaches us a lot about this subject. He outlines the different psychological stages of development and when and where in childhood people develop certain mental structures that stay with them for life.
 
Erikson’s model helps us understand how disrupted child development can implant damaged worldviews in our minds. These corrupted models stay with us long into adulthood and can become permanent unless we take steps to change them.
 
Negative experiences and childhood trauma corrupt our view of the world. They destroy the social contract that says the world is a fair, safe place where people get what they deserve according to their skills, gifts, and abilities. Corrupted models and worldviews destroy our sense of justice that bad people get punished for their crimes.
 
This violation of trust makes us question whether we’re really able to understand what another person is saying or if we’re misreading their true intentions.
 
These corrupted, misleading models destroy our ability to trust in a benevolent authority figure. Powerful people may have taken advantage of us and misused their authority to get what they wanted from us. They taught us that authority figures are malicious and can’t be trusted.
 
All of these issues impact our finances and employment. If we can’t trust an authority figure, we’re going to have a hard time working under any kind of boss or business owner who wants to tell us what to do.
 
We react to authority in one of two ways. Either we rebel against and push the authority away by saying, “You can’t tell me what to do!”
 
Or we knuckle under and obey. We put our boss in the position of authority previously occupied by the person who misused their authority against us the first time.
 
We cooperate out of fear. They recreate original power dynamic with our boss so we can get along and keep our jobs.
 
All of us received a message from our parents and society about money, employment, and our relationship with the outer world.
 
Our parents give us our first, most important programming about what money means, what we have to do to get it, and how we’re going to relate to the world through the medium of finance.
 
Take a moment to examine these messages. Maybe your parents told you to go to college, get a good job, and build a safe retirement account.
 
Maybe your parents taught you through example that you would never get a job and that you would be on welfare all your life.
 
Maybe your parents modeled for you that you should turn to a life of crime and spend your life in prison.
 
Once we understand this model, we can take power back into our own hands. We don’t have to do it the way our parents told us to. We don’t have to live in poverty and hopelessness anymore—nor do we have to be corporate wage slaves.
 
There’s a beautiful parable in the Bible that Jesus tells his followers on Mount Olivet. The story is called The Parable of The Talents.
 
In this case, the talents are actually gold coins used as money. Some versions call the story The Parable of the Minas (a coin of money) or The Parable of the Pounds.
 
In the story, a rich man gives each of his three servants a certain number of gold coins to see which of them uses the money the best way.
 
The first one buries his money in the ground to keep it safe. The master calls this man an ‘evil and lazy servant’. He takes the money away from him and throws him out on the street where there will be ‘weeping and gnashing of teeth’.
 
The other two servants invested their money and doubled it. The master calls them ‘good and faithful servants’ and rewards them.
 
He takes the money away from the one who hid his talent and gives it to the one who made the most profit. The master says, “For the one who has will be given more, and he will have more than enough. But the one who does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.”
 
This is an inspiring and insightful story that teaches us to use our abilities. In the story, the ‘talent’ refers to money, but we can learn a lot by taking the modern meaning of the word to understand he’s talking about our inborn gifts, abilities, and strengths.
 
Each of us was born with gifts. We all have skills and abilities unique to us. If we sit on them and hide them from the world, we might as well not have them at all. They won’t benefit us and we’ll wallow in misery for life.
 
Even if we get a good job, keep our head down, and build a safe retirement account, we’re going to come to the end of our lives feeling hollow and unfulfilled.
 
We’re going to understand at the core of our being that we didn’t live the best life we could have. We’re going to realize we could have done more. We could have been happier.
 
We could have made just as much money doing something we love and being our own boss. We don’t have to kowtow to someone else to get there.
 
The alternative is living in poverty and scraping by on hand-outs. A lot of poor people make the excuse, “I’d rather be poor than bow and scrape to someone else for a living.” This is their way of rebelling against authority. They refuse to play the game and obey, so they opt out and do nothing.
 
What they don’t realize is that there’s a third way to make a living—one that doesn’t involve obeying OR living on hand-outs. This requires that we to invest our talents, gifts, and abilities and turn them into profit. This means being our own boss and ruling OURSELVES more strictly than a boss ever could.
 
I spent 25 years unemployed and unemployable. I got fired from dozens of jobs. I couldn’t deal with authority and I couldn’t communicate effectively with other human beings.
 
I had been on welfare for nearly eight years when I became a professional freelance writer at the age of 40. I had lived under a bridge. I had lived in the back of a pickup truck. I had gone without food countless times because I had no money.
 
All of this came from one simple misunderstanding. I had a certain concept in my mind of what the word “job” meant.
 
When I thought about working for a living, I imagined getting up in the morning, getting dressed, going somewhere, working for somebody else, clocking in and clocking out, getting a paycheck, and having a boss tell me what to do.
 
I didn’t understand there was another way. I never could have envisioned the life I have now.
 
Let me paint you a picture of the job I have now. This will give you a perfect view of what I’m talking about.
 
Nowadays, I get up in the morning. I spend the first hours of my day taking care of my kids. I make their breakfasts and pack their lunchboxes.
 
I give out lots of cuddles. I brush and braid my two daughters’ hair. I do all this in between taking a shower, doing my workout, and getting myself ready for the day. I make sure the kids have their backpacks. Then I drive them to school.
 
I drop off my two girls at school and drive back home with my little boy. I work on the computer while he plays with his train set and listens to audiobooks. Remember Thomas the Tank Engine? Now you know how I learned so much about him.
 
I type non-stop from 9am to 3pm. Then I go pick up the girls from school. After that, I take care of home, do laundry, make dinner, clean the kitchen, help with homework and reading practice, etc, etc, etc.
 
No one tells me what to do. I communicate with my clients. I negotiate my contracts. I set my own schedule. I decide when I’m going to do a contract and when I’m going to complete it.
 
No one tells me I have to write a certain amount per day to get the contract done on time. I decide that and I’m the one who tells myself to write a certain amount every day. I push myself.
 
I’m a much stricter taskmaster to myself than any boss I ever had. That’s my job and I LOVE it. I’m doing something that is tons of fun. I’m good at it and I get paid really, really well. I support my family doing something that’s a game to me. I couldn’t ask for a better life.
 
Take a look at your own life. What did you really enjoy doing as a child? Do you have a passion you love doing? Are you really good at something?
 
Pick out two or three things you would absolutely LOVE to make a living doing. What would it actually take for you to make a decent living doing them? Would you have to market yourself? Would you have to create a portfolio of your work and apply for jobs?
 
A lot of people have a mental block when it comes to asking for money in exchange for something they did. We think helping people and making money are mutually exclusive and we can’t do both. All of that has to go down the tubes for this to work.
 
All of us HAVE to get paid. There is no reason on God’s green Earth why any of us should put time and effort into creating something, only to receive nothing in return. We’re giving value to the world and people should pay us for it.
 
Think of a fruiting tree. We draw nourishment from the soil to produce something other people value.
 
They should exchange something THEY value to get what we produced. No one would dream of going to the supermarket and taking a nice, ripe peach without paying for it. Why should my clients and customers pay nothing to get something I slaved to create? They shouldn’t.
 
Hobbyists and amateurs work for free. Professionals get paid. We can all keep being hobbyists and amateurs. We can keep working our day jobs, but that’s not going to make us happy.
 
Understand this: when we start getting paid to do something, it turns into a job. Say I’m an amateur potter and I want to become a professional. Once I do that and start making a living at it, I’m going to have to turn it into a job like any other.
 
I have to get up in the morning and go do my job. I have to spend a certain number of hours working in my studio and it will be work. Trust me on this. I don’t get to screw around doing whatever I please. I need a set schedule and I need to force myself to stick to it.
 
That’s what I do as a writer. I don’t sit down in front of the computer to have fun. It’s a job. It’s effort.
 
I have stress. I have to deal with clients and customers. I have to deal with people I don’t like. Artists have to organize venues to show their work. They have to keep their accounts in order and stick to a production budget. There will be times—lots of times—when we don’t want to do the hard slog and we have to do it anyway.
 
A job without stress is called a hobby. Amateurs and hobbyists don’t have stress. Professionals have stress. Professionals have a job. Amateurs and hobbyists have fun. They save the stress for the day jobs they hate.
 
We don’t stop working when we go out on our own to do a job we love. Most entrepreneurs work harder at their businesses than they ever did at a job. We have more stress and more responsibility.
 
There is one thing we will never have to deal with again. We will never have to deal with an authority figure again. That is a wonderful, freeing feeling you have to experience to believe. No one will ever tell us what to do, not even our clients. When we negotiate with them, we communicate as equals.
 
When I talk to my clients, I tell them how much they’re going to pay me. I tell them when I’m going to start the job and when I’m going to finish it.
 
This comes with a flip side. They tell me what they want, too. They tell me the specifics of the job they want me to write. I don’t get to write whatever I please. I have to make certain they get the product they want or I’m out of a job.
 
It’s very important to me that all my clients get the book they want and that they leave satisfied. That’s what makes me a professional. I’m not a child playing in the sandbox.
 
They come to the table expecting to spend a certain amount of money. In exchange, they want a product they can use that fills their needs. That’s what I provide.
 
When I apply for a job, I send them a cover letter that tells them my experience. I tell them that I’m absolutely confident I can deliver what they want and that I’m the best person for that job.
 
This comes from experience, but it also comes from believing in myself. It comes from believing I can do what I say I will do. It comes from an ironclad commitment to my work and to delivering.
 
So how can you get this for yourself? How do you build a life you love? How do you get a job that doesn’t include an authority figure?
 
Option #1: Freelancing.
 
If you’re a writer, graphic designer, IT whiz, architect, biologist, researcher, engineer, or just about anything else, you can freelance. You can make as much if not more from freelancing, all the while being your own boss.
 
The internet is your best friend. There are dozens of freelancing platforms where anyone can apply for jobs in any one of hundreds of fields. Get creative. Build a portfolio. Put yourself out there.
 
A portfolio doesn’t have to be perfect. Just get started. Your portfolio and your job will evolve over time. Apply for a job you KNOW you can successfully complete. Get paid. Then apply for another one. Put one foot in front of the other. Stack one brick on top of another. That’s how to build a career.
 
When I started freelance writing, I created a portfolio with two very generic writing samples on it. I fired off one very cookie-cutter contemporary romance and one piece of lesbian erotica. I stuck them up on a freelancing platform and started applying for jobs.
 
I started writing erotica. Then I noticed that one of my clients had posted a job for action/adventure. I asked him to give me a chance. That’s how my career started. I started at the bottom of the pay scale working for less than minimum wage.
 
When I started, I sucked. I studied writing craft. One of my clients gave me a link to one of my books that he had published so I could read the reviews. That’s how I got better. I honed my craft and I worked my way up to the top of my pay scale, which is where I am now.
 
Option #2: Commission work.
 
A commission salesperson gets paid based on how many sales they make. They have to hustle as they’ve never hustled before and that can be a massive motivational boost.
 
The more I work, the more I get paid. That salesperson has to get themselves up in the morning, get out there, meet their customers, and talk them up. Salespeople have to present a professional appearance. They have to communicate effectively. Most of them love it and thrive on the pressure.
 
They might have a boss, but their boss doesn’t tell them what to do. The salesperson has to manage themselves. They have to push themselves if they want to get paid.
 
Option #3: Start your own business.
 
Talk about putting all your eggs in one basket! This is a big step, but it can also be the most rewarding.
 
The sky is the limit when it comes to profit. A new business could become the next KFC. It could become the next Microsoft. Do you have something you love to do? Do you have an idea you’re busting to share with the world?
 
I started this blog on the side while working full time as a professional freelance writer. I did it in the small hours of the morning. I did it on weekends. I made a website and I started posting content. End of story.
 
Remember: the internet is your best friend. There is no one on the planet you cannot reach. Customers and clients are out there searching for you. They are hungry for what you have to offer. They are just waiting for you to come along, solve their problems for them, and they will pay you for it.
 
We all have a choice to make. Which would you rather have?
 
Would you rather have a successful job & acknowledgement from the universe that you’re a Really Useful Engine and people value your gifts and talents?
 
Or would you rather live the rest of your life wondering what might have been? Would you rather wake up one day and find out you’re old and useless and that you’ll never know what you could have accomplished if you only summoned the courage to take the first step?
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All content on the Crimes Against Fiction Blog is © Theo Mann. You are free to distribute and repost this work on condition that you credit the original author.